I was invited by a very dear friend of mine to go to Church last Sunday. I am not a church person but she recently joined that church and I wanted to honour her.
The last time I went to church was weeks before my dad died. He was a very devout Catholic and going to church was everything to him. As a child, us going to church was our very special time. Dad was an eye surgeon and worked long hours, so I did not get to see much of him. As I sat in a chair at the back of the room, the tears started to flow. Grief knows no rules. It hits you unexpectedly. Some of the tears came from memories of me at the girl scouts, listening to the songs. My friend has joined an Evangelical Church, so there was a lot of singing and clapping, which I had never experienced before in a house of God.
Before I launch into why Christianity clashes with my values, I want to honour the Vicar of my village and his wife, now retired, for the beautiful friendly and inclusive community he created for the twenty years I have lived here. Even though he knew I wasn’t a church goer, I was always made more than welcome and invited to all village events. I never quite made it to mass, but my kids loved going to Messy Church, an after school gathering where kids made crafts, ate cookies with squash and learnt about bible stories.
As I listened attentively, the usual words triggered me: sin, father, savior. The cross always triggers me when I enter a Christian church. Why, of all the important moments of Jesus’ life do Christians focus on his darkest hour? Sacrifice is another trigger word for me. Perhaps because my mother reminded me on a regular basis all the sacrifices she did for me as a mother and that weighted heavily on my small shoulders as a kid. Also, my grandmother wore her pain as a badge of honour. It was pretty toxic.
I was fairly young, probably twelve, when I realised that Catholicism clashed with my values. I found the fact that I was condemned as a sinner just for being born unsavory. Come on, God, give me a chance. Now, of course, I know better, but I was raised in that faith and it was all around me. How do you resist? Most of our beliefs are shaped before we reach the age of seven. Is that really the start we want to give our kids?
The moment the pastor referred to God with the male pronouns, I was put off. It was an immediate red flag. I know that most religious organisations are not inclusive, but if they just made the small effort to use they/them when referring to God, it would take that sexist and white supremacist edge. Is it that difficult? Not to mention that the constant mention of a father and us as being his children, plus the idea that he sent his son to save us, made me feel like an irresponsible child. Surely, at fifty eight, I don’t need a father to admonish me or tell me what to do.
As my December guest on the podcast said in her interview, if Jesus was to come back he would be non binary. Think about it, it makes sense.
One claim that a lot of religions make and that grates me is that if you don’t follow their rules, then you won’t be saved. It’s the “my way or the highway” rule. How can people claim this? It stems on the idea that there is only one right path. Personally, I value diversity. At the start of my spiritual journey, I wondered why there were so many religions, if there was one god, and I received the answer: each culture is to have their own version of religion to suit their set of beliefs. To claim that yours is better than others is childish at best, supremacist at worst.
There as also the elephant in the room, as a child, which was how religion treats women as inferior. As a little girl, this made me wonder. Why does God not value me as much as my brother? I had a very strong sense of justice and it felt wrong, so I told my dad I did not want to get my confirmation. And so, I walked out.
As soon as I went to University, I started making friends with people from the LGBTQIA+ community and I was even more appalled at the messages conveyed by religious people about them. Condemnation of same sex love? I could see clearly that it was because it challenged a model of society where everyone was to conform: get married, have kids, work hard. And please, do not create any waves that are going to upset the apple cart.
The claims by various religious organisations that their buildings, whether they call it a church, a temple, or a mosque, is the house of God is, in my opinion, false. God is everywhere. And God is here, even for non religious people. God is in the rivers, on the hills, in the sun, in the wind, in the forest, in the sea, in the heart of every animal, but also in your home, in your car… and in the business world.
God is also in the middle of war zones.
God knows no hierarchy. God is inclusive. God is forgiving. God is unconditional love. God is un-judging. God is pure. You can access God directly. You don’t need to be a saint or to have permission from another human being, but you might need a guide to help you shift through all the claims that are made in their name. And if that is the case, I can be here for you. You can find out about “Sage in your pocket” offer here.
Sign up for my newsletter so you never miss an episode. Click here to receive it.