When I was younger and something bad happened to me, my default mode was to say “Why me?” It came from my religious conditioning, but deep down I probably thought I deserved it because my entire life I had been told I was a bad person, so naturally bad things should happen to me. And yet, I thought it was so unfair. I was a good person. I was generous, kind and generally compliant. So why me?
I was pretty young when I observed around me that bad things happened to good people. They happened all the time. When I embraced my spiritual journey, though, I started to realise that asking why was not helpful. It was actually a bad question. How was a much better kind of question.
So how do good people cope when bad things happen to them?
First by reminding themselves that it is not a punishment. I have been watching Kaos on Netflix this past week and it’s all about vengeful Gods that punish humans, or sometimes not even punish but play with them to increase their power. There is nothing like that going on in real life, no matter what your religion tells you. So if we are not going to ask why and try to find answers, what are we going to do?
First, we are going to challenge the good and bad spectrum. Good is only something we desire or approve of. Bad is the opposite. It’s entirely subjective. Sometimes if we take the label out of the situation, it can actually make it easier. Not always, but sometimes. It is what it is. In the episode, I also discuss that when we often get what we need not what we desire (the good) and it is actually for our highest good.
Second, sometimes, bad situations have hidden blessings. There is an art in harvesting these, but first we need to tend to our emotions around what is happening by honouring them and sugar coating things is actually counterproductive and can even be harmful. No matter what your emotions are, they are valid. They need to be experienced to the full before you can get to the other side. This being said, sometimes we have emotions that are triggered by unhelpful thoughts. I used to think I was cursed, and that served no purpose whatever other than make me feel miserable. I had to get rid of that limiting belief. I actually recommend the work of Byron Katie for that. It’s powerful.
When facing a crisis, I have four tips for you:
Tip #1: Accept the situation
Tip #2: Trust that you have what it takes to face it
Tip #3: Reach out for help from the right kind of people
Tip #4: Realise that you are not alone
Joseph Campbell gave us a remarkable framework to help us cope with challenges, called the hero’s journey. I have talked about it in Episode 56, so if you have not yet listened to it, I encourage you to do so.
Challenges transform us and can make us better persons. I know I am a better person for the challenges that I have been through in my life. And you are probably too. But they can make us better or they can make us bitter. It’s always our choice.
Make sure you sign up for my webinar called Why bad things happen to good people so that I can show you the process more in depth and you get a chance to ask me questions about this. It’s on the 28th of October, at 7 pm UK time in zoom. To receive the link, sign up for my author newsletter with this link.
To listen to the episode, click here.