When I started exploring spirituality outside of religion, everybody seemed to talk about the divine feminine and masculine. There were circles for women, and circles for men. It was made very clear that we both have the divine masculine and feminine within us, whether we are male or female, but everything was labelled as feminine or masculine. Intuition was feminine. Leadership was masculine. And I tagged along, because I didn’t know any better.
It took me to go on a journey with people that are close to me who are non binary and transgender to realise that the binary model is everywhere and that it is quite toxic. Why should being sensitive be a feminine quality? I knew plenty of exquisitely sensitive men. And why should taking action be a masculine quality? I am an action taker myself.
I started to read more content written by queer people and even though I was disconcerted at first – I was after all unlearning from years of binary thinking – I truly felt like I was seeing the world afresh. And it felt exciting. I am not queer but I know a lot of queer people now and if you have listened to any of my podcasts before, you know I am a passionate ally. Naturally, this led me to question this whole divine masculine and feminine mumble jumble.
When I was a child, I had more male friends than female friends. But here is the thing: I did not see them as male or female. They were just my mates. It’s only when growing up and particularly when reaching adolescence that the whole feminine and masculine debate started to kick in. Back then, I did not know that gender was a social construct designed to control people. And that it had been used by missionaries all over the world to oppress indigenous cultures.
A man only acts like a man because he is conditioned to do so from a very young age. This was made very clear when I gave birth to a child that was assigned as male at birth. I remember my child, as a toddler, picking up some of my earrings and trying them on. I thought it was delightful. However, his dad rushed to his side and took the earrings off his ears at light speed and confiscated them. How interesting? This was one of the millions of micro actions that his father and all the adults around me took to reaffirm his gender. The same happens to girls.
Schools continue to reinforce these models if only by pushing heteronormative literature and addressing pupils as boys and girls. That is not even necessary. And yet they pretend that talking about gender is an ideology. They are obviously blind to the fact that the binary gender model is an ideology in itself and that they are perpetuating it.
Women should be aware that issues around gender fluidity affect them even if they feel strong in their own gender, because gender roles have been used to oppress women and non binary folks for centuries. By men.
Science has actually established that there are more similarities between genders than difference, so this whole gender binary model is based on social construct exclusively. It also varies between cultures. Dresses are routinely worn by men in certain cultures. As well as jewellery.
Even the World Health Organisation has stated in 2023 that gender is hierarchical and that it produces inequalities that intersect with other social and economical inequalities.
To me, being spiritual means doing everything in my power not to harm others. And then learning more to do better. I feel that the gender debate should be brought to the spiritual world and for us to question it. After all, spirit beings – which I have covered in my last episode – do not have gender. Angels are not male or female. Even spirit guides are not, even though they might have preferred to incarnate as a certain gender over their various lifetimes.
So on the back of this week’s episode I invite you to question what you hear in spiritual circles and ask yourself if this is not rehashing toxic gender stereotypes. Listen to the words you use when referring to God. Do you use pronouns? Why? Do you really think God is male or female and can you take a moment to question if this really makes sense? Next time someone tells you that intuition is a feminine attribute, stop and pause. I am not even going to go down the path of entertaining statements like men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But also ask yourself, am I being inclusive in my spiritual practice?
As a final note, I just wanted to add that the University of Birmingham published an article stating that there is no evidence that creating gender neutral spaces increases levels of sexual violence against women and children. So when someone uses that argument to justify having women circles only, think about what hidden agenda might behind this.
To listen to this episode, click here.
PS: I am not denying that it is important for victims of sexual abuse to have safe spaces, which might involve it being female only spaces. That is an entirely different topic that I care about tremendously.